Monday, April 24, 2006

Illegal aliens are the granite countertops of immigrants. Illegal immigration (or undocumented citizens as some more enlightened people call them) have been in the news a lot lately. I try to avoid discussing hot button political issues on this blog because the only ideology that interests me is capitalism and the only political party I belong to is the green party (green as in cash, not drugged out tree hugging hippies). However I feel a need to speak up on this issue because illegal immigration concerns housing prices. To put it bluntly, illegal immigrants add value to an area. They are, as I said earlier, the granite countertops of immigrants. Why? All one needs to do is look at the areas with the highest immigration rates and what do you see? That's right, the highest prices. Let me explain all of the reasons why:

1) Lincoln didn't free these people. Every successful nation needs a core group of poor, hardworking, easily exploited people. Let's face it Americans don't want to work hard. And why should we? We want to live a life of ease, comfort, and luxury. And that's hard to do on a middle class salary. However, we certainly don't want to spend our days toiling in filth for low wages. No my friends, we want to sit at some desk, cruise the internet or chat on our cell phone all day, and drive home in our H2 or BMW to relax in front of our big screen tv. In order to afford the lifestyle we deserve we need nannies, cooks, gardeners, etc willing to work for low wages. And you ain't gonna get Americans to work those kinds of jobs for those kinds of wages. Hence, these workers free wealth by allowing us to spend our money on important things like cars, boats, housing, instead of trivial expenses like childcare or salaries.

2) Diversity is good. Let's face it, white folk are boring. Other cultures add variety to our society. We want to have 200 different restaurant choices instead of just 10. We want our children to be able to date a rainbow. People crave diversity and they're willing to pay a premium to be able to have it.

3) Creative destruction. Let me tell you the famous parable of the broken window. A shopkeeper's window is broken by a little boy. But soon people realized that the broken window makes work for the window maker, who will then buy bread which benefits the baker, who then buys shoes, benefiting the shoe maker, etc. Eventually everyone concludes that the little boy was not guilty of vandalism, instead he performed a public service by creating jobs for everyone in town.

While people crave diversity, they also crave separateness. They love diversity, just not in their neighborhood. A few miles away is about as close as people really want it. So what happens when millions of our undocumented friends flood a city? Scared white people sell their homes and move somewhere else. However this causes a smaller and smaller area of "habitable" land to be bid up by more and more people. And remember the prices of even the "uninhabitable" areas go up too because their prices are based on these rising prices. So the destruction of whole areas of the city cause all the areas to go up in price. Often dramatically.

Do you really think prices would be going up this much if there were not these demographic pressures? And these changing immigration patterns are permanent. We will be getting 1 million or more illegals every year from now on. This will "destroy" more and more parts of the country causing prices to soar (the invisible hand of 20% appreciation rears its beautiful head).

4) New paradigm of financing. Smart lenders realize that these hardworking undocumented citizens are prime customers for our sophisticated financing packages. They are clamoring to own houses here and the lending standards will accommodate them. These millions of illegal alien housing investors will bid up prices even more. Remember Darwin's laws of supply and demand. We have limited supplies and ever growing demand. Put these two together with the lighter fluid of easy credit and you have a mushroom cloud inferno of price escalation.

So my friends, don't oppose our guests from the south. Instead, welcome them with open arms because every illegal alien is money in your pocket. And everyone loves money in their pocket -- even renters.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Greetings to all my soon to be wealthy readers. I've been so busy the last several days making my money work for me that I have not had time to impart my wisdom to you. Therefore, for this update, I decided to outsource this blog entry to a highly trained Indian worker with years of experience you can't find in the United States. And with that I introduce to you Sandeep.

Thank you very much. With pleasure and helping attitudes I bring today many good advices to make money in American real estate homes. Like America many Indians are buying homes to make riches for their future. My cousin Rajeev has flipped many Hyderabad condos (the Beverly Hills of India). He's made so much money buying and selling homes that he's earned enough to buy a 5 room mansion in Calcutta. Life is good for Rajeev. What is Rajeev's secret? He can sign his own name. Renters with angry taunts are bellowing their questions as to what this means. Let me explain to renters. All it takes today to be rich is to be able to sign the loan papers. You not need smarts or education, although I have a masters degree in electrical engineering with an MBA, MCSE, and over 10 years experiencing in programming the java and .net for major American companies. No my Hindu friend, you need nothing but a pen and the ability to mark your name on the papers. Once you do that the money comes to you.

Now I need to speak to you on how to find homes which make money. This is easier than dipping poori in your khorma. You look at the address. If it is in California, buy it immediately. Don't worry if it is over 1000 rupees. You make money for living in paradise. If it isn't in California you still buy it immediately but not make as much money. You still live in lesser paradise which is good except for people living in paradise get confused sometimes.

Is there a housing bubble? There's an old Hindu proverb: "when a camel is at the foot of a mountain then judge of his height." The home prices are the camel and the economy is the mountain. We buy houses for only a few thousand American dollars but the mountain of economy is trillions of dollars. The camel can grow many bigger until it is bigger than the mountain. Right now we are riding a little camel. But soon it will be too big to get on unless you are already on another camel. Eventually if you not buy house the camel will loom large over you and you can't reach it. Even little camels will be gone. Big camels everywhere and nowhere for you to stand on.

As camels prove there is no housing bubble. Now we speak with clarity and briefness about how many homes to buy. Answer is all of them. You want to buy every home in America. It isn't possible to do this but make it your goal. When you buy home you already have equity coming every year. Think of Easter Bunny coming to visit. Every year he brings you chocolate eggs to eat. You don't do anything but rabbit still brings eggs, like clock working in sync with bunny. Your home does same thing. You don't do anything but equity still comes to you. You take equity and buy other homes. These homes bring more money. You keep going until you own every house in the country. Then you can talk to Rajeev about some undervalued condos in the Indian Riviera.

Also, my new American friend Buck wanted me to mention that he has many beautiful homes in the most wonderful place on earth, Southern California. He can put anyone in a home with many smiles and happiness to ensue. Financing is no problem. Habla espanol. Bad credit? No credit? Legally dead? No matter what you say he will say he can put you in a home. He has homes for all payment levels. No income needed. Please call, email, or speak to Buck to start your journey into becoming the next Donald Trump. He's waiting to make you millions.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

I've been getting many emails from home owners telling me that they're confused by all of the intellectual talk here on this blog. I'm sorry. I occasionally forget that not everyone is a real estate professional like myself and slip into highly technical jargon. So in order to help my visitors better understand what the real estate market is really like I've taken the liberty of writing this post in more appropriate language.

Once upon a time in the happy kingdom of Realatopia there lived a great prince named Realtor. Prince Realtor was renown throughout the kingdom as the wisest prince who ever lived. And he was much loved, for when Prince Realtor looked around his kingdom he saw that all his subjects were rich and happy. Nothing it seems could ever break the spell that he held over his happy subjects. But one day the court jester, a fool named Renter, began going around telling tales of the fearsome bubble monster. He said the monster was 20 feet tall, and could eat a granite countertop in a single bite. He said the monster was coming and would ruin them all.

At first nobody took the fool serious. He was, after all, a court jester. But after a while the happy people of Realatopia began to feel uneasy. Maybe there was something to this fool's ramblings. Maybe there really was a bubble monster coming to destroy their happy homes. Finally when the people could stand no more, they went to Prince Realtor and begged him to slay this bubble monster before it descended on their once happy land.

So the prince declared throughout the land that he would send out his two most brave knights to slay this unearthly beast. They were two knights who knew no fear and could conquer any foe. They were Option Loan and his brother Interest-only Loan. These two Loan brothers were already legendary amongst the people of Realatopia. For all of the citizens of this coveted land knew how helpful these brothers could be in an emergency and there wasn't anything they couldn't accomplish with these two heroes at their side.

Therefore at dawn of the first day in April these two honorable knights set forth into the countryside looking for the evil bubble monster. But try as they might they could find no trace of the creature. Everywhere they looked they found prosperity and mirth. Certainly no sign of impending doom. And just as they were about to give up, the brave knight Option Loan sighted the creature. It wasn't 20 feet tall and could never in its wildest dreams devour a beautiful and value adding granite countertop. For it was only a small, frightened little mouse, and not the destructive monster that the fool Renter made it out to be. With a laugh Option Loan named this "fearsome" mouse Bubbles and took it back to Prince Realtor to show to the people.

And once the people saw that the monster was harmless they welcomed Option and Interest-only Loan back into their homes and everyone, including Bubbles, lived happily ever after. Except for the fool Renter of course. But that my friends is a story for another day.